Period Sex: Yuck or Yum?

Whenever I have period sex, I think of Comedian Ali Wong. In her Netflix special ‘Hard Knock Wife’ she shares an anecdote that has been my shameless period sex permission slip for years.

Story goes that while making out with a man on a date, Ali felt the responsibility to inform him that she was on her period, before things went any further. She anticipated that that would put an end to any further action that evening and was floored when he replied, “Oh, well then… let’s make a fucking mess, Ali.” Watching from the comfort of my couch, a moan of unadulterated approval escaped from my mouth, as I resonated with how unbelievably romantic and sexy I found this to be!

Period sex isn’t for everyone, but personally, I’m a fan. Over my seven-year career as a Sex and Relationships Therapist, I’ve heard a wide range of thoughts and feelings about period sex:

• “Is it safe? Won’t it hurt?”
• “My partner feels weird about it, and I feel weird about their weirdness.”
• “I don’t want to ruin my sheets.”
• “I’m so horny around my period!”
• “Of course, I have sex during my period.”
• “EW - NEVER HAVE OR WILL I EVER.”

The taboo around period sex is dissolving with the sex-positive movement. Research consistently reports that most people who menstruate don’t see their period as something that should get in the way of their pleasure. 

This shift is wonderful news, considering the many benefits of period sex:

• Orgasms relieve cramping by relaxing the muscles around the uterus.
• Endorphins dull pain.
• Natural lubrication (be honest, who flinched?).
• Deep bonding with a partner during a time of heightened sensitivity, vulnerability, and openness.
• It can shorten the overall length of your period.
• An act of liberation from period shame (my personal fave).

Exploring Self-Pleasure: Knowing Your Body First

One of my tenets for sexual liberation is to know your body better than anyone else. Flex your sexual sovereignty by getting intimate with your pleasure anatomy during your bleed. This is a beautiful opportunity to move beyond shame and demystify your body.

Bring a mirror to the party and gaze at your vulva as part of your practice. Confidence comes from what you know, after all.

Taking the Plunge: Tips for Trying Period Sex

For many, the first day of a period is super heavy, which means more mess. If you’re inspired to dive right in, there ain’t no shame in that game! (Hot tip: missionary and spooning sex positions tend to create less mess). But if you’re feeling shy, you might like to explore on days three or four.

Preparing for Success: Your Clean-Up Plan

Lay down a towel or two and have a cloth or some tissues/wipes nearby. Darker-colored towels can be preferable to avoid unintentionally tie-dying your whites.

Consider beforehand whether you’d like to head into the shower by yourself or with your lover once you’ve wrapped. Or perhaps you’re a streamlined kind of babe who’d like to start, have sex, and clean up in the shower. Unfortunately, my shower is far too small for this 3-in-1.

Ending on a Positive Note: Managing Vulnerability

It can feel vulnerable to finish with you sitting atop a bloody towel while your partner runs into the shower mid-scene because your blood spooked them more than expected.

Trying new things in the bedroom can be clunky, awkward, and messy, even when you’re not bleeding. If your period sex doesn’t pan out quite as you hoped, find a way to come back together and end on a high! Closing with cuddles, compliments, and/or kisses reduces the risk of hurt feelings and a vulnerability hangover.

Talking to a Partner About Period Sex:

Now that you’ve got a game plan forming, you might be wondering how to table this with a partner.

Personally, I’ve loved partners with different levels of comfort with period sex. From absolute enthusiasm to a genuine fear of blood, and varied attitudes in between, sometimes steeped in a lack of education and fear. 

Different cultures have different relationships to period blood and thus period sex. In Tikanga, waiwhero (menstrual blood) is tapu (sacred) and is believed to carry the ancestors of our Tangata Whenua.

Remember, you can only ever invite your partners to join you in an experience; give them high-quality information about the what, why, and how; and hold space for anything they might be processing around this invitation.

Conversation Prompts:

• “I’d like to talk about the possibility of trying period sex—what are your thoughts about it?”
• “What fears or worries do you have about period sex?”
• “How would you like to feel during the experience? What intentions could we set for it?”
• “What might help you feel more comfortable?”

If this conversation is difficult for you, intentionally breathe throughout to ground yourself. Long inhales, longer exhales. Approaching conversations with genuine curiosity and a willingness to understand where your partner is coming from is always beneficial.

Having related to my period as a gross inconvenience for much of my life, period sex has invited me to peel away layers of shame and come home to a growing celebration of my body.

Whether you choose to “make a fucking mess” or decide pleasure on your period isn’t your flavour, I wholeheartedly celebrate the beauty of your cyclical nature and the power of your pleasure!

About Michelle Kasey

Michelle Kasey (she/her) is an award-winning Sex and Relationships Therapist with over seven years of experience, who's supported 1,000's of clients worldwide to have healthier relationships and more satisfying sex lives. She is also a celebrated burlesque artist, champion pole dancer, and writer.

www.michellekasey.com

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