Embracing the unknown, chasing dreams, and finding power in knowledge

It's women's health week and this week is all about raising awareness about women's health and everything that comes with it. So for me, I'd like to talk a little bit about fertility. A subject that's obviously quite important but also something that I've had a personal struggle with. So let's dive in and answer some questions!

When did you realise you had trouble conceiving?

I've always wanted to be a mum, it's always been my dream. When I embarked on this journey to have children I didn't realise there were issues. I thought I was gonna be all good because I was fit and healthy.

It wasn't until I did some tests with my GP to see what was going on that I decided to start IVF. All it took was a blood test to find out that my egg supply was low and things just weren't quite right there. During this process I also found out I had endometriosis which was not an easy pill to swallow.

However, I could have been very disheartened by it but I actually realised that knowledge is power and there are options out there.

How did you embark on your fertility journey?

Now with fertility, there's a private and public sector. I'm in a very fortunate position to be able to go down the private sector which worked in my favour. However it was one of those things that needed to happen because I was also chasing competition at the same time, my mind was in a few places at once!

I took it upon myself to make an appointment with a fertility specialist after getting advice from my GP to go down that route. I ended up working with Mary Birdsall who was my fertility specialist throughout my journey.

I didn't realise there was anything sinister at the time, meaning I didn't think it was more serious than what it ended up being.

What was the hardest part about undergoing IVF?

The hardest part about going down the IVF journey is the unknown, it was all new to me. Firstly I'm a Polynesian woman and IVF isn't something that's talked about in my culture. I'm fit so I'm thinking I'm all good but realistically, I wasn't all good.

So the first cycle came along and that was very unsuccessful. Now embarking on the cycle itself was financially very difficult as it's very expensive. Emotionally it was mentally very draining and physically, you had to endure all those injections.

But the desire to have children outweighed all those issues and you had to make a plan to make it all happen. So it was almost like I saw this as a campaign or a competition that I was prepping for and what will be will be.

The hardest part about it is nobody understanding

• What I was going through
• Nobody knew what I was going through

And that's only because of the stigma around taking this route to have a child. It was very difficult because noone knew I was going through IVF until I had my first child.

In the Polynesian culture, if you don't have a baby it's like....your family's cursed or you've done something wrong or your parents have done something wrong...and I didn't need that because that wasn't the case.

The case was that I was the issue because I had endometriosis and my mum also suffered along in this area and it's just a fact of life. While knowledge is power, it was almost like silently suffering at the same time, which wasn't ideal.

How did your first IVF cycle differ from the second?

Now with my first child through IVF with Kimoana, it was all very new to me. It was the unknown. There was lots of hormones and emotions. When the first cycle failed, it was honestly like mourning something that never existed but did exist at the same time.

That made it very draining and it wasn't until failing the first one that we did more tests to find out I had pretty bad endometriosis. We had to then pivot the cycle that they were putting me on and made it a longer cycle to see if we could retrieve more eggs.

The second time round, we were able to retrieve more eggs and actually had a couple frozen. From the first lot, Kimoana survived and that's how I had my beautiful daughter.

Then for my second baby I didn't go for another cycle as I used the remaining frozen egg I had which survived which gave me Tava my son.

The second time round it was less stressful but still stressful because it was the end of the road, while at the same time I still really wanted a sibling for Kimoana.

It was all a very interesting experience because you're basically going to a clinic to have a child be implanted in order to have a child. That whole concept is weird in itself right?

Ultimately, my goal and my want was to have a child and to be a mother. I've always wanted to be a mother because I took so much inspiration from my own mother.

What support did you have throughout your IVF journey?

During my IVF journey I didn't seek any help. None whatsoever. I embarked on this journey pretty much solo, it was lonely and that was because I didn't trust any communities.

I was very isolated in the way that I was going to have children was not the norm in my community or my culture. So that made it quite a silent and lonely journey to the point where I actually left the country when I had to wait 2 weeks to find out if I was pregnant or not. I needed a distraction and I just couldn't be there alone in my thoughts.

What advice do you have for people going on the IVF journey?

My advice for anyone going through this journey is first of all, you're brave. You're absolutely brave for even embarking on this. But you know that this is definitely something that you want and it's such a beautiful thing as well.

Talk to your family, get the support network you need around you because it's a very emotional rollercoaster ride for everyone involved and especially for you. Surround yourself with people that you trust, aren't judgemental or will have opinions about what you're going through and make sure you're looking after yourself. It's very hard because your body does all sorts of things with all the injections that you have to do as well.

Even with the support network, it could get isolating because you're constantly waiting to see if there's going to be one or two lines on the pregnancy test. But there's a lot of help out there and people who you can talk to professionally who can help you.

If I had the opportunity to go through it again, I would definitely reach out to these different groups and communities because they know what you're going through.

Is there something you wish you knew before going on your IVF journey?

I wish I got advice to do more tests earlier. See my GP earlier and do clinical tests, asking more questions about fertility, about having and raising children when I was younger. I didn't embark on this journey until I was 35-36.

I knew I definitely wanted kids so I wish I'd gone when I was younger because your eggs will be younger. They'll probably be more healthy and maybe I could have produced more eggs, who knows.

Now I use my platform and my voice to inform athletes in particular - if having a baby a family is one of your goals and you're still full time in your sporting career, please go and get tested as soon as possible. There's opportunities to get your eggs frozen if you can because the later you leave it, the harder it can be.

I feel so immensely grateful that I have my two children as it wasn't easy to get here. I'm feeling blessed on a day to day basis everyday having them around, they are my world.